#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou

Is such an interesting conversation starter, it’s what we all need to be seeing. Abuse isn’t or hasn’t ever been just about hitting.

The saying sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me has never been shown to be so wrong before.

It never ceases to amaze that it’s the simplest concepts that provoke such a big response. They seem to resonate with people and they believe they have something to add, a way to help. It doesn’t feel like a big commitment or an exposing thing to do, but by sharing a tweet that you’ve seen or even writing one yourself you could have just helped shine a light somewhere where there was only darkness before. Continue reading

Looks can be deceiving

While at a conference talking about Mental Health and the affect that has on domestic violence one of the speakers told the room a story of a couple that on the outside looked to have the perfect relationship.

Everyone in their social circle would say how in love they looked, how wonderful that after all the years they’d been together that they still always held hands in public. What they didn’t know is that they held hands in public so the husband could control the words that came out of his wife’s mouth. Continue reading

The Perpetrators Story, Healthy Relationships and Prevention

We talk a lot now about the victims and survivors of domestic abuse which is absolutely brilliant because the more we are talking about it the more we are giving victims and survivors the confidence to talk about their experiences.

It seems that there is very little information out there about perpetrators.

We have read a couple of things online recently here and here. Which got us to thinking about the perpetrators story; is there something there in them to make them behave in this way, is it naturally who they are, the way they were brought up, did something happen to them at home, at school, in life, were or weren’t they taught about healthy relationships? Continue reading

Fact and Fiction

There has been a flurry of news stories recently about a fictional character Helen, and her abusive husband Rob, who are involved in a long running story line in the Archers (a soap opera broadcast on radio 4).

Past victims/survivors are using it as a way to tell their story and encourage others to do the same. It may even plant the first seed of creating a plan to make a choice to leave safely.

It has got us thinking and talking about how dramatization can work to bring issues into the open making it easier for people to talk about and can make it more acceptable to discuss these issues as you are not talking about real people. Continue reading

How can you help?

There are many things that you can do if you suspect that someone you care about is suffering from domestic abuse.

Most of them very simple like just letting them know that you are there for them, often abuse sufferers feel lonely and isolated so knowing that you are there and that you care makes a big difference. Continue reading

Myths

 

There are many myths that surround domestic violence and abuse, myths that we should all be tackling. Here are just a few that we have come across.

 

If the children don’t see it they won’t know that it’s happening.

They only do it because they care.

If it was really that bad they wouldn’t stay.

All abusers have been abused.

We shouldn’t get involved if we suspect it is happening to someone we know.

It only happens to people living with low incomes or with poor education.

It is only women that get abused.

Domestic abuse only happens to the minority of people it’s a very small problem.

Abusers are always obviously violent people.

None of these statements are true, anyone anywhere from any background ethnicity or social standing could be an abuser or being abused. They don’t have to have been abused in their past or obviously violent in everyday life.

Domestic abuse is not a small problem, SafeLives estimates that each year 2.1 million people suffer some form of domestic abuse, it has long been brushed under the carpet and ignored. People often believe that what happens in someone’s home is private and that you shouldn’t get involved but a little bit of help and support goes a long way.

What is Domestic Abuse?

The word Abuse is all-encompassing but when it’s broken down what does it actually mean? What does it actually refer to?

We used to just use the term Domestic Violence, we all know what violence is and that it is unacceptable. But victims were not just suffering from violent outbursts.

So we started using new terminology to reflect what victims were actually suffering. In so doing some people seem to have found themselves unsure about what Domestic Abuse actually encompasses. Continue reading